Goodbyes

I have had my fair share of goodbyes in my life time. First was my uncle Freddie that was involved in a truck accident in Canada. He was working for active transporation and I was in the 9th grade when he was involved in this terrible accident. I always looked up to Freddie like he was my dad, that man treated me like I was his daughter and took me everywhere. That was a hard goodbye because I loved that man so much.

Goodbyes are never easy on anyone trust me I have learned that at a very young age. I had to say goodbye to my granny that had cancer and I was in no shape or form ready to let her go and say goodbye. I was selffish and wanted her here longer with us. I couldnt accept the fact that she was in so much pain all I wanted her to do was keep fighting. I figured if she kept fighting our family could and would beat this. Man was I wrong. That too was a hard goodbye to say. Looking at her and telling her it was ok to go was the hardest thing I thought id ever have to deal with, well I wrong there too. Little did I know I had more goodbyes to make.

This is a goodbye that I still to do this day cant deal with and thats the goodbye to my mom. Mom was sick with cancer as well and yes we had a rocky relationship, what mother and daughter dont at times? Me and mom had really gotten close and having to tell her goodbye left a big hole in my heart that has never been healed. Im angry with her being gone, mad that GOD choose to take my mom!! WHY WHY WHY!!! Even sitting here typing this right now I have tears flowing down my face. I miss her sooo much. Its been almost three years since she passed away and I still dont understand, the hurt seems to never get easier.

I have had to say goodbye to a man that I have known for 15 years. We have been married for 12yrs and we have had our ups and downs way too many times. We have two BEAUTIFUL kids together but we were young when we got together and we grew apart. Did I think that would happen?? No not really because he was all I had really ever known. We were high school sweethearts that had fell in love. Ahh young love makes you so blind. Its that silly puppy love that you think will last forever. It didnt. That was a goodbye that really needed to happen even though it was hard it still needed to be done.

Goodbye to my pop was hard as well even though I had been saying goodbye it feels like all the time but it does at times get easier. His goodbye was unexpected. My pop held our family together and now that hes gone I just pray that we can all still remain close. My pop has always been there for all of us and its hard but I know he knew we all loved and cared for him the way he loved and cared for all of us.

I just said goodbye to a man I have fallen in love with because he decided that he wasnt ready for the whole family thing. He knew I came with two kids that want to be loved as well and he was fine with that until yesterday when he called me telling me that he couldnt do this any longer. REALLY??? Im hurt and pissed because I gave up ALOT for him and he doesnt realize that. But in the end I would rather he tell me now then later. Some of my friends and his friends say oh he loves you Michelle and you all will work this out but do I go with what my heart is telling me or with what my brain is saying I should do??? I just dont know anymore this is all to real and fresh to deal with. I know that GOD has a plan for me and yes I know I should be patient and let him guide my life and put all my trust and faith in the LORD and I do but its still hard because I feel like Im starting to get good at this goodbye thing since I have had to say it enough in my life time. GOD can and will get me through this I know he will because without GOD I have nothing but with GOD I have EVERYTHING!! So GOD im giving you all this anger and pain, you can have it because I dont want it anymore!!