I think part of a best friends job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die
Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on # 5 .... I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I can't remember the last time I was kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
I wish Google Maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing option.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. But pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.