20 weeks....

How Far Along: 20 weeks so I am half way there!! Whoo hoo


Size of baby: Mango 6.5 in and weighs in at about 10 oz!! SO a little over half a pound :)

Total Weight Gain: I have gained 12 pounds

Maternity Clothes: nothing really fits that great so its usually comfy clothes after work and on the weekends, with work I wear scrub pants and plain tees that are form fitting and they feel nice I love them!! Thanks target :)

Gender: BOY!! Baby Tyler

Movement: I feel him move not strong hard kicks but more like a gliding feeling, I do know baby Tyler likes to stay on my bladder all the time! I guess its his comfy spot but deff not mine as I run to the bathroom 500 times a day.

Sleep: SLEEP I love sleep, get a little uncomfortable at times but still love my sleep


What I miss: Not missing much except I miss not waking up during the middle of the night to have to go pee.
Cravings:  ha ha Icecream and pretty much the see food diet... If I see it I eat it!! I crave pizza and spicy food, still lovin me some ice cream though!!



Symptoms: Nausea is pretty much gone, I have a lot of round ligament pain and pressure real low but thats because baby Tyler loves to hang out there, feet kill me by the end of the work day I go home with swollen feet!

What I’m looking forward to: I am  sooo looking forward to holding baby Tyler in my arms and kissing his sweet face and just holding him!! I love this boy so much and havent even met him yet!!

I am loving that this weekend on friday we went to southeast christian church to see the easter pagent and that Par loved it!! I have a hard time getting him to do anything that involves a church so for him to go to this it was AWESOME!! It was a pretty good pagent but was actually better in years past, but the message was still great all the same!! So it was def worth it!!

Saturday we took his truck to get alarm and auto start put in but they had to order a part so we will be going back next weekend, we came home and the fire tones went off there was a field fire that was a pretty good one from what I hear and it must have been because he was gone for several hours and it always makes me a nervous wreck that something will happen to him but he came home safe which made me feel blessed. I hate worrying about him when he is out  there on fire runs because no matter how much experience you have something can always go wrong. I am proud of him for the caring and committment that he has for the department and it shows all over our walls in the house with awards and plaques that he has recieved throughout the past 12 years that he has served on the department. If we have a boy I hope one day he will want to follow in his daddys foot steps and help the community like his daddy does.

We also had a birthday party to go to for his twin nieces that turned four and those girls had a blast!!! They love their and shoes and of course baby dolls!!

I am also loving my best friend Kelly for taking this pic of me and par, It actually turned out cute and we are going to have it blown up and turned into black and white and hang it above our bed!!

We love it and are excited to welcome this little blessing in october!! We still dont know what the gender of the baby is and we cant wait till we have our ultrasound!!!

remember people GOD is great and does AMAZING things for all of us each and everyday!!

Im BAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEA finally have my internet back on and I am loving it!! Oh how I have missed my blogging and blogging friends!! Alot has been going on and we have busy!! I am now 13 weeks pregnant and feel as big as a house lol!! But we are blessed and very excited and I wouldnt change any of it for nothing!! The morning sickness is starting to fade a little but not completly gone. Next dr appt is april 6th!! We did finally decide on names so for a girl its Chloe Rae Partin and if its a boy its Tyler Marvin Partin!! Both middle names are after our granpas that have recently passed away plue rae is my middle name!!!


I also wanna give a shout out to Kelly at just the two of us its her 27th birthday!! So happy bday I love you and if you dont read her blog your missing out!! Shes a real down to earth chick!!!

Thats about it for now but I will be back tomorrow with more!!! YEA so excited to be back!!!

10 WEEKS

How Far Along: 10 weeks!!



Size of baby: 1.2 in. size of a prune, baby weighs .14oz

Total Weight Gain: I have gained 4 pounds
Maternity Clothes: I have one pair of maturnity jeans that I love but mostly I am still able to wear my reguler clothes!! Which is really just work scrubs and sweats when I get home

Gender: unknown
Movement: I feel a little something here and there but unsure yet if its the baby

Sleep: SLEEP I love sleep, pretty much now when I crawl into the bed Im knocked out!!



What I miss: Not missing much except I miss not waking up during the middle of the night to have to go pee.
Cravings:  ha ha Icecream and pretty much the see food diet... If I see it I eat it!! Buger king whooper I love




Symptoms: some nausea believe its almost gone!! headaches and just tired. oh yeah and the moodyness

What I’m looking forward to: my next appt april 6 and then one more appt after that then its ultrasound time!!!

BABY ON BOARD

Oh how fast the last two weeks have flown by!! On saturday Jan 22, 2011 I had went to pick up one of Pars friends that wanted to come over and hang out and on my way over thereI began to feel prettty crappy. I eneded up getting sick on the side of his friends house lol. I ended up laying around most of the time at the house just not feeling well and his friend kept telling me I was pregnant and finally after a while and getting tired of hearing about me being pregnant I told par and his friend to go get a pregnancy test and I would take it to shut his friend up so he would leave me alone about being pregnant. So I grab the damn test and march off to the bathroom and tell myself you can do this just pee on the stick on that little plus sign will NOT appear. So I pee whatever and I walk out of the bathroom and the BF goes in and picks it up and has this huge smile on his face and he starts laughing and Im like this isnt funny what are you laughing about and he turns to me with this smile and says "BABY YOUR PREGNANT!!"!!! I was soooo not believing it that they went to the store and bought 3 more test for me to take again and yep all 3 of those came out POSITIVE!!

SOOOOOOO........................

WE ARE HAVING A BABY


Excited, scared, worried yes to all three!! See I have two kids already, Kaylan will be 13 and Bradley will be 8 and then add a new born later on this year!! Whew thats alot to take in!!

All in all we are all excited and just pray to GOD that we have a healthy baby!!

What Im getting ready for......

I have some big plans coming up soon for my daughter!!! She is turning the BIG 13.....AHHHHHH yeah I know here we go with the attitude and the fact that as her mother I will no longer know everything in her eyes. So with the help of my best friend Kelly Carriss we are planning her a birthday party that will be hot pink and zebra!! Kaylan thinks she is such a diva so this theme is perfect for her!! Here are a few things me and the BFF are working on.....

This is her cake I ordered but it is a little different. The bottom layer will be white with zebra stripes with a pink bow, the second layer will be pink with zebra stripes and a black bow with her name on it. The top will have  a different 13 on it and the stars will be pink, black, and white!!! Flavors are: bottom vanilla and top strawberry!!! I cant wait for her to see it!!!

We will be having similar candy jars like this one filled with pink candy and the ribbon will be pink and zebra!! Such a cute idea!!! A little candy shop!!

The BFF has made her some hair bows that look AWESOME!! Kaylan will LOVE these!!!

We have sooo much left to do but thats ok because in the end it will soooo be worth it!!! To see the joy and look on my daughters face will be enough for me!!

I couldnt possibly do all this without the help from Kelly, she is soo crafty that when she plans something she goes all out and makes it special for everyone!!

So now I leave you with some daughter quotes:

A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart. .

Daughters are like flowers, they fill the world with beauty, and sometimes attract pests. .

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. .

Every mother hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did, and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did..

Random tuesday

Cant quit thinking about this birthday party that I have coming up for my daughter that will be turing 13. Thank GOD I have a best friend that loves to plan and decorate these things, she has some really good ideas since the soon to be teen wants zebra hot pink and diva kinda party.

made it to work slid off the road twice but hey I made it, its funny the area I had to come to work in is a more uppty class type of area so you would think they would clear the roads better, guess not. So since Im here people need to pour in to get their shots!!

I have decided to let the past be the past and move on. Yes I have my doubts but I have no choice so heres to letting go and never turning back!!

I think I need to get a second job just to pay the damn bills, being a single parent is hard work but I love my babies so I will continue to push on and provide the best I can.

I sooo wish I was at home still in the bed snuggled up underneath the blankets and sleeping.

I hate gas prices I guess I need to invest in buying a bike so I can peddle to work verses going broke because of gas.

mcdonalds sweet tea still lovin it and craving it.

need to call the dr and make an appt to see about this tumor in my uterus, ugggg so dont wanna do this and cant afford to be off work.

Kids are out of school oh how I would love to be with them, hot chocalate and sledding sound so much better then sitting here.

cant wait to get my taxes so I can build up the bank account a little bit.

Theses hot and spicy chips Im eating are putting my mouth on fire, AHHHHH

Nothing exciting really has been going on lately so I really dont have alot to say except:

KELLY I STILL LOVE YOUR HAND SANI BOTTLE THAT YOU HAVE HERE AT WORK!! I WOULD SOOO LOVE ONE LOVE YOUR BFF!!!

Random Tuesday

I never have liked ice tea but oh how I have fallen in love with mcdonalds sweet tea, I have to have my daily fix of that every morning on my way to work!!  Im lovin it!!!

I love how my best friend always knows when to call, she can read my blog and read right through me and know whats on my mind!! Oh how I love that girl!! She can tell when your lieing so there is no point in trying because she will always get it out of you which is fine because she doesnt judge which is why I love me some Kelly Carriss!!!

Kids are at home all snuggled up in their nice warm beds oh how I wish we were all snuggling and staying out of this cold weather but that doesnt pay the bills so off to work I go!!!

I love being a nurse but there are times when you MUST suck it up and deal with certain patients! But over all I wouldnt trade being a nurse for anything in the world, hell I worked my booty off trying to complete my nursing degree and the bad thing is is that Im going to be going back!! which is ok because thats more money on the hour for me to beable to provide better for my babies!!

A little boy just came in and smelled like pancakes.... Oh how I love me some pancakes lol

Almost finished with Kaylans scrap book and oh its sooo cute I made her a family one which she loves!! I toot my own horn because It is cute if I say so myself!! So toot toot!! noone else is going to toot your own horn so do it yourself!! Let me hear ya toot toot!!!

I cant get this damn paper to fax I have been trying since yesterday the number keeps saying it busy which is ticking me off because theses vials need to be ordered!! Like yesterday!!! So fax machine if you can hear me please send my fax on through and quit causing me stress please and thank you!!

My dog is soo cute but right now she needs a hair cut like something terrible!! Dog fairies please come take care of this and wash her up and make her beautiful again because this snow is matting her up!! K thanks

I hate sitting by this front door because everytime it opens im freezing which I hate being cold so old man winter you may disappear at anytime now love michelle!!

I really need to clean my car out its starting to look like a mcdonalds with the millions of mcdonalds bags I have thrown in there, any takers want to clean it out for me??? hmmmmmm didnt think so me either.

Some people will never change or they say they have which this person has changed but I have learned that I no longer know who this person is. I have known this person for a very long time and while they say everyone likes this new person not everyone does!! I dont but I guess they have moved on which is crazy to me because we have a family together and this person was all about doing the family thing and now they have changed and I feel like 15years to this person means nothing!! YES blogger world I admit I have done wrong a bunch of times oh yes I have but I cant go back and change that because I would!! This person used to believe in GOD and was saved with me together sitting at a kitchen table but I guess that means nothing to them anymore because they cant forgive. GOD has forgivin me and I know this just wish this person could.

I feel like I cant tell if Im coming or going anymore I need life to slow down a little and I mean fast because this poor girl is getting grey hair lol I swear I am!! Someone please offer to dye for me lol

I love rocking out in my car I dont care who pulls up next to me and stares, stare all you want your just mad cause you cant rock out like me!!

Have a great day blogger friends and remember it could always be worse!! Love to all

Sorry for the delay

Im starting to feel lost not being able to blog on a normal basis I guess I could try to do it on my Iphone but its not as easy. So christmas has come and gone and for the first time in my life I was actually ok with it just passing by. I hate to sound like the grinch but thats exactly what I felt like. I did enjoy watching the kiddos open their gifts and they seemed excited and liked what they had but then they went to their dads and I felt like they liked christmas better over there just because in their minds they racked up. Which is ok because I dont feel like I have to buy my kids love with gifts, christmas isnt about what all we can get its about being together as a family. Of course its always nice to get a few gifts but people go over board.

This was my first christmas not being with the soon to be ex and kids all together in our own cozy little house and I was bummed because we always had good christmases together and I was a little sad I wont say that I wasnt so yeah I wasnt much into the christmas spirte this year.What can I say!

Not much else has really been going on just been working and trying to stay busy as much as I can, seems like I have alot on my mind theses day. Guilt I have alot of that. I hate what I have done wrong to so many people. I just want to move on and be forgivin by those that have been hurt. The one person I want to forgive me probably wont. I feel I dont know that person anymore they have changed so much and it sad, they say they are happy but I know they arent. Its probably easier to tell yourself your doing ok when your not. I wont go into detail on here but there is no way they can happy.

I will get back on here again tomorrow and do some random thoughts thoses are always good because my mind goes from one thing to another anyway. Have a great day blogger friends and remember it can only get better from here!! at least thats what I always tell myself!!!  :)

Stolen

I think part of a best friends job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die


Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on # 5 .... I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

I can't remember the last time I was kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

I wish Google Maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing option.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. But pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

random thoughts and feelings

OMG Its been FOREVER since my last post, I know I hate not being able to get on here and blog but I havent got internet at the house. I hate not knowing whats going on in the blogger world!! So I will try my best to post whenever and where ever I can!!

Random thoughts.... Why cant a guy do something nice for you JUST BECAUSE?? Like send you flowers at work JUST BECAUSE they are thinking about you?? I have NEVER had that happen and probably wont for a long time. You know like JUST BECAUSE im thinking about you kinda thing. IDK about alot of you out there but I LOVE when a guy just wants to show you in some way hey Im thinking about you or I miss you. Does that even really happen??

This weekend was pretty good I had the kiddos friday and saturday and though we didnt do too much we still had fun. It snowed saturday so the kids played a little outside and they were always running in and out saying they were cold which it was but whats funny is they changed 500 times and the laundry piled up. Im sure I did that as a kid myself and I can only imagine what thoughts were running through my moms head so If you were still here with us mom I would tell you Im sorry for all the running in and out of the house and leaving you with all that wet snowy laundry lol.

Fire banquet was saturday night and I figured it would have been alot better then it was. While the food was just ok it was nothing to write home about, the awards were ok but all in all it wasnt what I was expecting. But saturday night ended up paying off for itself and it was LOVELY!!

Sunday me and kids played cds and turned the music up and let me tell you they crack me up!! Bradley thinks hes soo gangster and hes only 7. The moves the boy has make me burst out with laughter at him. If you could only see him lol. Kaylan shes a little diva and her personality is soo funny!! Oh how I LOVE those two kiddos of mine!!

Forgiveness... there has been alot of that going on lately and it makes me feel WONDERFUL!! I have forgivin alot of people and have been trying to be a better person. Even though I havent been to church in a LONG time I know that forgivness is a step in the right direction. I feel like if I was to walk into church right now I would be wrong because I know Im not doing what I should be doing. Yes I know GOD forgives and I want my life on track I do. I just feel right now my life is so off track and I know I will get it together and be happier. I only hope that people can forgive me for the mistakes I have made and the hurt I have caused people. I never wanted or thought my life would end up like this.

Oh Kelly Carriss why Im on the random thoughts I LOVE the hand santizer bottle you made with the polka dots ribbon and letter K on it and I was thinking That One with a letter M in the shelbyville rd office would look really cute by my computer and shot room area. Juat thought youd wanna know that!! :)

Christmas this year.... ugggh I dont even wanna think about it!! Really I havent bought the first present yet for my kiddos or anyone else and thats odd for me. IDK this year I guess Im not excited at all because this will be my first christmas where me and Doug and the kids arent a family. Its been the four of us for a really LONG time and now this is our first year apart and YES Im sad. We have had or ups and downs together but we always made sure christmas was special. I miss the fun times the laughter and joy we shared on christmas seeing our kids open up presents and this year we cant do that together. I cant put the blame all on him and I cant put the blame all on me because it was OUR marriage that we both FAILED at. How I wish we were granted wishes so that I could erase alot of pain and hurt that we have caused each other. I only hope that one day we can truely forgive each other. I NEVER ment to hurt him or my kids that was NEVER my intentions but guess what I hurt them and I cant take any of it back because If I could things wouldnt be like this for me, him or our kids. I WILL ALWAYS have love for him I will and Im not ashamed to say that no matter what other people think. We did have really good times in our marriage and I miss that. I have to be strong though for myself and my kids. If I could only say the things to him that I truly want to say to him I would hope he would listen and know they are straight from my heart. He is the ONE person that I wish I never hurt. I know if I could talk to him he wouldnt believe me he would think I was only saying the things I need to say to try and win him over yet again but only I know how I feel and only I know whats real in my heart. Timw will heal this hurt and pain I have caused to my kids and him right?? Maybe one day I will get the chance to talk to him and tell him how I feel without holding back and being scared.

So Kaylan and I played dressup the other night and It was too funny she put on my wedding dress that I wore over 12 years ago and it was cute she really was, lol I tried to get it on but the damn thing wouldnt zip up in the back. I really thought I was skinner now then I was then, Kaylan was only 6 months old when we got married so I thought I was bigger then who knows maybe Kaylan just wasnt zipping it up right lol.

Thats enough for now but I hope all are well and happy!!!

Goodbyes

I have had my fair share of goodbyes in my life time. First was my uncle Freddie that was involved in a truck accident in Canada. He was working for active transporation and I was in the 9th grade when he was involved in this terrible accident. I always looked up to Freddie like he was my dad, that man treated me like I was his daughter and took me everywhere. That was a hard goodbye because I loved that man so much.

Goodbyes are never easy on anyone trust me I have learned that at a very young age. I had to say goodbye to my granny that had cancer and I was in no shape or form ready to let her go and say goodbye. I was selffish and wanted her here longer with us. I couldnt accept the fact that she was in so much pain all I wanted her to do was keep fighting. I figured if she kept fighting our family could and would beat this. Man was I wrong. That too was a hard goodbye to say. Looking at her and telling her it was ok to go was the hardest thing I thought id ever have to deal with, well I wrong there too. Little did I know I had more goodbyes to make.

This is a goodbye that I still to do this day cant deal with and thats the goodbye to my mom. Mom was sick with cancer as well and yes we had a rocky relationship, what mother and daughter dont at times? Me and mom had really gotten close and having to tell her goodbye left a big hole in my heart that has never been healed. Im angry with her being gone, mad that GOD choose to take my mom!! WHY WHY WHY!!! Even sitting here typing this right now I have tears flowing down my face. I miss her sooo much. Its been almost three years since she passed away and I still dont understand, the hurt seems to never get easier.

I have had to say goodbye to a man that I have known for 15 years. We have been married for 12yrs and we have had our ups and downs way too many times. We have two BEAUTIFUL kids together but we were young when we got together and we grew apart. Did I think that would happen?? No not really because he was all I had really ever known. We were high school sweethearts that had fell in love. Ahh young love makes you so blind. Its that silly puppy love that you think will last forever. It didnt. That was a goodbye that really needed to happen even though it was hard it still needed to be done.

Goodbye to my pop was hard as well even though I had been saying goodbye it feels like all the time but it does at times get easier. His goodbye was unexpected. My pop held our family together and now that hes gone I just pray that we can all still remain close. My pop has always been there for all of us and its hard but I know he knew we all loved and cared for him the way he loved and cared for all of us.

I just said goodbye to a man I have fallen in love with because he decided that he wasnt ready for the whole family thing. He knew I came with two kids that want to be loved as well and he was fine with that until yesterday when he called me telling me that he couldnt do this any longer. REALLY??? Im hurt and pissed because I gave up ALOT for him and he doesnt realize that. But in the end I would rather he tell me now then later. Some of my friends and his friends say oh he loves you Michelle and you all will work this out but do I go with what my heart is telling me or with what my brain is saying I should do??? I just dont know anymore this is all to real and fresh to deal with. I know that GOD has a plan for me and yes I know I should be patient and let him guide my life and put all my trust and faith in the LORD and I do but its still hard because I feel like Im starting to get good at this goodbye thing since I have had to say it enough in my life time. GOD can and will get me through this I know he will because without GOD I have nothing but with GOD I have EVERYTHING!! So GOD im giving you all this anger and pain, you can have it because I dont want it anymore!!

Weekend recap...

This weekend was a lazy or I wished it was a lazy weekend lol. Friday I got the kiddos and we ordered pizza and just relaxed, sat we were up early and headed to lowes to buy mud for the kids bedromms that are being redone at the BF house. We got lunch afterwards, came home and mudded a little and then we baked a cake for the BF birthday. The BF turned 32 this saturday and me and the kiddos decided we would bake a cake for him!!!

Fondant that we bought that was neon colors, with the help of a cookie cutter the letters came out perfect!! Plus we made a fire truck since the BF is a fire fighter!!

Kaylan LOVED this project

Bradley rolling out the fondat

Finished cake, lol not the greatest but we had fun trying

Birthday boy with his cake!!

We had alot of fun baking and here lately that seems like all we do is bake. On sunday after the kids went home to see their dad I felt the need to bake again and decided on chocolate cupcakes with purple icing!! Yum Yum they are so delicious!!!! I really dont like cooking at all but decided I love to bake sweets and the BF and kiddos do to!!! Happy monday all!!!

Christmas just around the corner!!!

I am super excited about the holidays coming up that I cant wait to put up the tree and all the decorations and sit back and enjoy some Christmas music!! This Christmas will a different then all the other christmases that me and the kids have had together but with GOD we will all make this a wonderful Christmas!! So I did a little sneaky shopping for the BF "Boy friend" the other day. He left a magazine in my car so I decided to look and see what it was about lol it was a hot rod magazine! While I was looking through it I found something I knew he would love!! It was an ornament that was made into a motor ( a chevy big block to be exact) He loves anything to do with trucks and motors and all the other parts that go ino making a truck!! So without futher adue I give you.......

The chevy big block ornament for the tree!!

See me and the kiddos have our own special ornaments for the tree and the BF needed to have his very own!! We will make this a christmas to remember since the BF has always lived alone he has never had a tree up for christmas since he was a kid so this will be special for all of us. lol maybe a little eye opener for him since he doesnt have kids but none the less he loves my kids as if they were his own!! So to get more into the christmas spirit I decided to put some pics on here of the stuff I would LOVE to get from the BF. lol Its my little wish list!!!

Is this NOT the cutest mixer you have ever seen?? I love it and its Kitchenaid!!! I have been a baking fool lately and this would help out so much since me and BF burned up the hand held mixer!!

LOL who wouldnt want a starbuck IV bag on 24/7?? I LOVE STARBUCKS!! A gift certificate would be lovely since I cant possibly walk around attatched to a starbuck IV all day!! OH did I mention I LOVE STARBUCKS!!!

Ugg Boots... I LOVE LOVE LOVE theses boots!! You can get theses from zappos on line!! A little pricy but way too cute!!! Put some skinny jeans on with theses boots and its instant HOTT HOTT HOTT!!!

AHHH Pink!!! This is just screamimg... WEAR ME!!! I love victorias secert!!!

I also LOVE me some nike shox!!! And of course pink is my favorite color!!!


So thats a start for my wish list!!! I may add on later but it is just a wish!! What is your wish list this year????

You want honesty then you got it!!!

Ok lets go... I always blog mostly anout my kids (Yeah I know) Why because honestly its easier for me not to really think about whats really going on in my life right now. I dont have one of these fairy tale blogs where everything seems perfect because well Im not perfect and this is my life!!! I cant sleep at night all I do is toss and turn the entire night, why cant I sleep??? The funny thing is though that when I do fall asleep all I do is have these weird dreams and I do mean weird where Im being killed and chased. Why cant I dream of something good? Like naked hot guys lol no I have to dream about someone wanting to kill me!! If I hear a noise in my house I jump and then cant fall asleep because I keep waiting for someone to break in. Maybe they will break in a whisk me away to a far away nice warm beach!!! If thats the case no need to break in I will open the door!!

I worry worry and did I say worry?? I worry about the bills and how Im going to make it till the next paycheck. I wont lie I never really worried abouth that before until I started going through this damn divorce. Yes we made decent money together and I could go shopping mostly whenever but now that Im doing this by myself I dont remember what shopping is. Which is fine because Im learning how to make money last. I know the kids hate it because they always want to go and do things and I of course have to tell them I dont have the money. They act like they dont get upset but I know they do. I feel like Im trying my best to do this and raise them like they should be. Is it hard... YES am I giving it my all YES!! Will I give up NO!!! Poor Kaylan had tried all she knows to get me and her daddy back together and I have tried to explain to her that we cant get back together and I also tried to explain to her how a man should treat a woman and not be treated like I have been. All I ever want is for my kids to love and respect themselves and other people. Have I been perfect... NO!!! I was not perfect in our marriage either and I wont sit here and pretend its all his fault because we are both to blame!!! But I know we can both walk away from this in time and be fine again. I want to forgive and move on and not hold any hard feelings but that takes time.

I do have my own place now with the kids but on days that I dont have them I stay at my boyfriends house. Did I just say boyfriend??? Yes I did!!! I have know this guy for almost 2yrs and even though people laugh and make jokes about us being together because of how we look well he makes me happy!!! Its not always been peaches and cream trust me. I bring alot of trust issues and marriage problems to the table since Im not even divorced yet. I feel bad because I take ALOT of my issues out on my BF and its not fair to either of us. I will say that he has showed how to be loved and has shown me how to grow up and take responsibility for myself!! Hes WONDERFUL with the kids he loves them and treats them like they are his. Its great to sit back and watch him interact with the kids, it makes me feel good inside. One thing I dont like is feeling like Im living out of a suitcase. Its alwats back and forth from my place to the BF place and its always like Im running. He wants me to move back in, yes I said back in because I lived with him but had to move because I had and still have to get my life back together after a 15 year realtionship with the soon to be ex. But I know this BF of mine loves me trust me I do because he tells me all the time and shows me and I love it but dont wana rush like I feel like I always do.

Food.... lol I cant stop eating!! With all the stress I have going on I usually dont eat and end up losing alot of weight but this go round all I do  is eat!!! I hate it, I hate feeling like all I do is stuff my face day in and day out!! I gotta slow down or Im gonna gain and gain and gain!!

Well I just wanted to get some of what Im going through out and I know with GOD I WILL get through this!!! We all just have to have faith that GOD will lead us where he needs us not where we want to go!! He has a plan for all of us and we just gotta understand that GOD will never leave us or hurt us!!!

Boooo....

My babies dressed for halloween... Bradley wanted to be a gangster lol I dont think he knows what that is but he sured posed like he did and Kaylan was a beautiful fairy!! So we headed down to Louisville to my Aunt Cindys house and trick or treated there and had a blast!! They got more candy then even I know what to do with so Im sure around christmas time we will be throwing it out like always!! It was good seeing the kids with smiles on their faces after all they have been going through with this divorce. Some things kids just shouldnt be subjected to. Kids need to be kids and not worry about everything like mine do. All I want for them to know how very much I love them,they are my life and I would do anything for my babies!!! I love when I get to spend my weekends and days through the week with them!! They are loved more ways then they know and I only hope one day they can understand why mommy chose to do what she had to do!!!

Lovin the fall!!!

So this weekend I had the kiddos and let me tell you we had a great weekend together. Friday Kaylan had stayed at one of her friends house so that gave me and Bradley time alone together to spend as mother and son and we had a good time!! We went to wal-mart which he loves!!! He cracks me up because all he want to buy is smell good mens stuff (thats what he calls it) Hes so into wanting to smell like a man and I cant help but laugh because I dont know where all this is coming from, but I give in because lets face it he wants to smell like a man. Oh how I love that boy!!! I also had a good friend come over and stay her name is Brittany, she used to live with me but has since moved and works all the time so she stayed the night which was nice because we got to catch up on all kinds of things that we had been missing out on. Saturday was a fun filled day all day.... So Im dating this guy and have off and on and hes a wonderful man. He loves my kids and treats them like they are his and I love sitting back and watching him and the kids interact with each other its awesome. Me and Par ( real name Charles but I call him Par) have dated for a while and I had moved in with him and well going through a divorce and living with another man deff puts a strain on a new relationship so I moved out and live with just me and the kids and its helped us so much. Well this weekend Pars family had their annual chili supper and lets just say it was a night I wont soon forget. We got their at 4pm and their were so many kids there that my kids went to school with so they of course ran around and played all night and had a blast, lol I think all they really did was play hide and seek the entire time. The chili was cooked in a hugh pot outside with a fire underneath and I do believe that was the biggest pot of chili I have ever seen and man was it good!! Friends and family all together just relaxing and having a good time and thats what its really all about in the end is just being able to get together and enjoy spending time together and thats exactly what we did!! We ended back at home around 12:30 that night so the kids were wore out from all the running they had done!! Sunday was just as awesome we made cupcakes for halloween and they tasted so good. I have some pics to post but I couldnt hardley get Bradley to smile but he enjoyed cracking eggs and Kaylan loved making a mess with her mommy. We also craved a pumpkin well Par and Kaylan did and Kaylan named him man gaga lol I will have to take a pic of that and post it!! I didnt get any pics of Kaylan whick bums me out because she was the one taking all the pics but that is a memory we all will never forget!! I loved my weekend with my babies and I know they loved it too!!!

my kiddos...gotta love em

Just a few things I love!!!

Today I decided that I would post a few things that I love... I dont have any pics on here right now of my family but they know I love them dearly!!!

Of course startbucks is a MUST!! I love the white chocolate Mocha!! So rich and creamy and well a girls gotta have her starbucks any chance she can get right???

AHHH Must I say anything??? I love me some Greys.... or at least I think Im in love with this man!! Its nice to curl up on the couch every thursdsay and watch greys and its nice when you can watch a show with some really good looking men!!

Thats right I LOVE my job!!! Without this job I couldnt support my family and provide all the needed things for my kids!! And lets face it we need to breath right and live well!!! So thank you FAA for allowing me to be apart of such a close family!! Special thanks to Kelly Carriss because without you I wouldnt have this Job!!

Candles.... I love the smell of candles in the fall and winter time more then any other time of the year!! I love the smell of cinnimon candles the best, it reminds me of christmas time more then anything else. Lights out, nice warm cozy blanket with some candles lite is sooo relaxing!!

Books... lately all I seem to be doing is reading. I have really gotten into the Janet Evanovich series.. One for the money and two for the dough. They will crack you up!! There are soo many books in this series that it will take me a long time to read them all. Im only on the secomd one but I have the third one on standby for when Im finished!!

Fall wheather and leaves. Just look around isnt it beautiful??? I love driving down my road to my house where it looks like Im in the woods while I drive and looking out at all the beautiful leaves that have fallen and all the leaves that have changed colors is BEAUTIFUL!!! I love the FALL!!

Yummy yum yum.... I love me some donuts!!! I have a hugh sweet tooth and a nice fresh donut all most always hits the spot!!!

Victorias secert.... Tell me a girl that doesnt love them some victorias secert??? From bras and underware to tee shirts and sweats, they have it all!! I love their sweats with the matching jackets!! And who can pass up the 5 for 25 on underware?? I love that store!!!

Thats just a few things that I love!!! What is it that you love???

Finally friday!!!

TGIF!! So glad its friday, this week has dragged on long enough wouldnt you agree??? Im hoping to get plenty of rest in this weekend. I have had my kiddos this week and this weekend they are going to their dads. Im hoping to go visit my aunt Vanessa saturday I havent seen her her a long time and Im hoping for a good homecooked meal from her. lol

Also today we need to keep Emily in our prayers as she faces a stem cell transplant tomorrow. The girl has been through alot and she deserves to get through this and over her cancer battle. So please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Happy friday all and lets all try to make some good memories this weekend, I know I will!! :)